Welcome to Smoothing out the rough edges!
I have given this blog that name because that is exactly what God has been doing in my life. I have not had an easy life by any stretch of the imagination and this has caused me to become jaded and closed off. I have not always been a believer in Jesus and only come to Him in 2007. Funny that as I am writing this, it really seems like a lifetime ago that I came to Him, but I can see that He was at work in my life all along. If it wasn’t for God always being by my side, even when I didn’t want Him there, I most likely would not be here today writing this blog. He is amazing.
Going through the process of having my edge smoothed out is not always pleasant. Through out this journey I have found myself in the place of pretending that all is well and that I am just fine. This is the place where I slap on that happy face each morning and try to hold it all together inside. My prayers are more along the lines of just asking God to help me hold it all together. This is a time where I feel like things are ok, not necessarily smooth, not necessarily rough, but also not in an especially happy or content place either. In this place I find that I am just trudging along and hoping for the best. This is not a bad place to be when I am here, but when I move into a place where I am actively seeking God and fellowship I can see that it is not where I want to be at all. Unfortunately this place is where I am most comfortable and I fall back here often.
Actively seeking God’s will to be done in my life is a completely different place to be. This is a place of miracles, a place of peace and a place of upheavals all at the same time! This is typically the place I find myself when going through the motions fails miserably and I find myself in a broken place. This follows a break in my facade of I can do this all by myself. This is where God humbles my proud heart. I am not one to reach out for help, it’s easier to just try to make ends meet and not feel like a failure or a burden. Despite the fact that I know that I cannot juggle everything that is being thrown at my, I typically do not look for help until I have dropped a huge ball and am forced to stop and clean up the mess. Only at this point do I reach out, and even then it is so hard to! So, broken, overwhelmed and feeling helpless I will reach out to those around me and finally let them in. I finally stop and look around to see those that have been there for me all along. This is the place where I rest in God’s promises, the place where I am too broken to fight Him and get to see how wonderous He is and the blessings He brings when I allow Him to. This is when I no longer have the strength to pretend and can just be. I always find it funny that I need to go to such extremes before I will allow myself to be in this place.
Naturally, I find myself in the places between the two I described above but these are the 2 I am in the most. At this point in my life I am recognizing it, learning to reach out and talk about the struggles. facing the harsh reality that I cannot always be on the side of giving to those around me but that I must also be on the side of receiving. Learning to not shut God out and that it really takes time and persistence on my end to allow Him to do the work that needs to be done in me. He is always there and is always seeking to work wonders in this life, it’s me that shuts Him out. God never turns His back on me, it’s me that has the audacity to turn my back on Him. I know that I am not alone on this journey and that I am not the only one who struggles with these things. I am beginning to realize just how important it is to share our trials and tribulations with all of those that I come into contact with, in one way or another. God speaks to me often and it is high time that I stop telling Him to wait a minute and I’ll be right with Him. He is always there and I need to always be listening.
The beauty of Jesus and His love really starts to shine when I take the time to be still before Him and open myself up to my Lord and Savior. When I give Him my all and surrender my life to Him, I do not lose. This is when He does the best work and brings me to those wonderful places He has planned for me.
I look forward to seeing where Jesus will lead me and I am happy that you are all here to be with me on this journey.