Proverbs 3: 5-6
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. 6 In all your ways acknowledge him, and He shall direct your paths.
Trust in God, it’s really that simple, yet it can be so complicated and difficult at the same time. The difficulty and complication usually comes into play when we are in the flesh, when we are too busy with self and what we want.
My pastor started his message with this today and it really hit my heart. I am continuously wondering about where I need to be, what I should be doing, which direction I should be heading. I mean constantly. Questions about where I should be professionally, spiritually, where I should be living, where I should be as a mother, as a wife. These questions are always swimming around in my thoughts. There is a purpose behind these questions, my problem lies in the fact that I find it really difficult to just be. To rest in God’s promises and allow Him to direct my path. I pray for His guidance regularly, but I am not so sure that I trust in Him with all my heart. I think I try and can find myself believing that I am, even when I am not.
Reading and thinking about this passage is really bringing to my attention that there are often times that I am praying for God’s guidance and telling my family to relax and trust that God will bring us to the place we need to be. At the same time we know that sitting idly by and just waiting for things to happen is not practical either so we actively try to pursue goals we have set as a family as well as personally, but in a way that we are keeping God in the loop.
I know that for myself, I am seeing that I have been falling back into that place where I am really making a list of what needs to be done and where I think we need to be and then praying that God shows us how to get there. I think I am leaning on my own understanding a bit more than I would like to admit.
When will I learn?
God has proven time and time again that when I step back, let, trust in Him with ALL my heart, that He steps in and brings us to where we need to be?? I think part of the problem is that my letting go in the past has been natural and not not deliberate on my part. It is only after we see the Holy spirit flowing in our life, only when we see the good coming out of the bad, the light breaking through the dark, that I look back and see…wow, if I just let go, He takes it and does what He wills! I mean I have been experiencing this for the past few months. God has been gracious enough to turn my stupidity and fumblings around and making wonderful things out of them. Now I already find myself in a place where I am feeling heavy and wanting.
So how do I find myself back here again so quickly? How do I get back to that place? That place where for a brief moment I was acknowledging Him in all ways and the rest was falling into place? How do I learn to deny self a bit more and keep my focus on Him?
Well, I think it all boils down to the same thing. Every question I have points me in the same direction. Pray more! Be in the word! That doesn’t mean just breezing through quickly, but to really allow it to soak into my heart. This all takes time and it all means that I need to make a conscious effort to get up earlier, shut the TV off, put the laptop/smart phone down and just be in His presence. Only then will I be able to put it all aside and be His instrument. Only then will He work mightily in my life. Only then will I be transformed.
So now I am going to focus on Him, on getting in the word, on allowing Him to work through me. In the recent months my heart was softened. I was allowing my heart to break and to be vulnerable. I now see that I have closed up once again and need to fight to keep myself open for His purposes. Seek His face, stay focused and to give myself a little grace when I fall off track. Allow this time to be a place of repentance before my Lord and Savior, for He cannot refuse a repentant heart.
I thank you all for sharing this walk with me, its difficult to share my ramblings yet feels great to share with my brother and sisters in Christ at the same time!