Ok, I confess!! I have been swearing so much these past few months!! It is ridiculous. I can’t seem to stop either…..God is doing a work and I need to figure out what He is expecting from me in this.
So, here I am confessing to the world! Or the few readers that actually do read this little blog of mine :0)
C.S Lewis mentioned in Mere Christianity that we all too often think that we snap out of anger or swear when we are taken by surprise. As if these nasty behaviors come out of the blue when we are not prepared for whatever it is that caused a reaction out of us. He challenged me to think about the fact that perhaps these dark parts of myself are just hidden most of the time. I have learned to mask the uglier parts of myself and they slip out when I am not suppressing them.
This makes me think about how ineffective my attempts to be a better person really are. There is nothing I can do to make the changes that need to be made. Not on my own anyway. Things will not change unless I unclench this tight fists and bring it to the only one that can help me….Jesus. All my attempts to “improve upon self” all boil down to me just covering up the ugly parts. The problem with this is that these ugly parts begin to seep out without my knowledge. In this particular case, God has completely ripped away the camouflage and is making me face my cussing. I know this may seem silly, but it has been a huge battle for me! I can’t stand it and yet the words fly right out of my mouth in times of anger.
So maybe God is trying to make me address the real root here, anger. Another piece of me that I learned to reign in and cover…or so I thought. Anger is another piece that just comes flying out. Although I am happy to report that there have been more times of me stopping and praying than times of complete melt down. My family may not realize it yet, but I have found myself breaking down and crying out to God for His help rather than retaliating in heated moments. This has been a long and hard road I have been walking. There is deep rooted anger and ungliness to battle, but the great thing is that God is on my side and He is the only one that can bring me out of it to the place He desires for me to be in.
Ephisians 4:29 says: Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.
This is a commandment from my Lord and I choose to obey. Well, I am choosing to achkowledge that I have not been obeying, am repenting (often) and begging for his help in learning to obey!!