Undecided

I am in a weird place, spiritually speaking. Definitely not a bad place at all just can’t quite put a name to where I am.

Am I in a place of deeper understanding and comfort? Maybe!

I tend to end up in a place of questioning where I am and if I am doing what I am meant to be doing. This questioning typically ends up focusing on my career. Is hospice the place for me still? Is this a job that allows me to do God’s work in the way He has meant for me to? Hospice can be pretty heavy and can way down on a person, this is why we have so many great things in place to help prevent burnout. I am sure this is partially why the questioning starts with my work, because I really do love what I do.

I am consistently concerned with ensuring that I am where I need to be. I have come to a time in my life where I know that it is imperative that I make sure that I am right where God needs me to be. My purpose in this life is to be used by Him in whatever way He needs to.

God is amazing. When in a place of uncertainty and confusion, God tells me what I need to hear. I know for me, when I am in these places of uncertainty, I cannot always feel God’s answer. Typically I can follow my gut feeling and know when things ring true. This is not always he case when I am surrounded by stronger feelings of conflict and questioning. It is almost like I am caught in a whirl wind and can’t quite make out what God is trying to tell me.

God communicates with me in ways I can hear.

I found my answer amongst a string of “coincidences”. The app on my phone shows me a different Bible verse every day, for several days it would change on the screen, but when I opened it the same verse would come up:

Proverbs 16:9 A person plans his course, but the Lord directs his steps (NET)

This in and of itself brought me comfort when I read it. On the last day that my app insisted on bringing this piece of scripture to me, my audio book also started on a chapter that was entitled “You are exactly where God means for you to be”. Combine this with the fact that my pastor has been talking about the fact that God loves us all individually, He knows us, He chose us, He planned for us to be who and where we are at this very moment. Then add the fact that in our ladies bible study, the same topic has been discussed. Throw in the fact that our music therapist happened to choose a worship song that my daughters and I sing frequently together and all I can say is that I felt a feeling of my understanding deepening.

As I drove home on this day I could feel the knowledge that I am exactly where God means for me to be sink in a little.

The path from the brain to the heart is a long one and I can honestly say that my understanding of God’s love and all-knowing has dropped down a little closer to this heart of mine.

Some of you may think it’s a bit silly to take these coincidences and make them into God showing me just what I needed and just when I needed it most, but I know that these things, amongst man others have brought me to a lace where I am a little closer to allowing myself to rest in the love of my Lord and Savior and it is a wonderful place to be.

Well, that is enough rambling for one day today :0)

God Bless and love to you!

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