Deepening

There have been many times I started writing a post on here and then closed it, unsure what to write. So I wrote nothing. This is a problem I find in many aspects if my life. I am unsure of what to say or do, so I do nothing at all, afraid of doing the wrong thing. I allow uncertainty and fear to grab hold of me and keep me in a place of inaction. This is not a place I should be in and most definitely not a place where Jesus wants me in. God tells us to step out in the Spirit in faith and love. He will do the rest. Who am I to hold back whatever it is God may be trying to do through me? It’s not my place to deem what is the right or wrong thing to do or say. It is my job to do whatever the Spirit lays on this heart of mine.

Over the past few months I have been trying to deal with the fact that I do not step out of my comfort zone enough. I don’t reach out to dig deeper, I find that I am wading in those shallow place once again. The superficial “hey, how are you” and moving along quickly happens all too often. Yes, I do have a toddler I have to chase after, yes I have children that need to be fed, but they cannot be an excuse.

I want my normal approach to life and the people surrounding me to be deeper. I have been asking God to help deepen my approach to life as He commands me to. He has been doing a work in my life that I have a hard time describing. He has been deepening my understanding and approach to people but I still drift back into the shallow business. I have to remember that I am here on this earth to do God’s work. Nothing else matters. I have heard over and over again that we do not take anything with us when we leave this earth. I face the fact that our time here is short everyday in my work. I know that I will be forgotten shortly after I die. Really, this life I am leading is a speck of dust in the grand scheme of things. Here today and gone tomorrow.

So what am I doing with the time I am given? Am I consistently reaching out to God and asking for Him to work through me every second I breathe? Do I take the time to stand in awe of all that God has created around me? Do I thank Jesus for the awesome sacrifice He made for us? Do I love each and every person I come in contact with because Jesus does and wants me to as well?

Sometimes.

Not enough.

I do these things much more than I once did and I know that I will never do them enough. I am human. I am flawed. I will never meet any mark I set. Jesus is perfection and I can only continue to accomplish His work by allowing Him in. Deeper and deeper. Like a diamond I can only reflect His love and light in this world full of hate and darkness.

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