Guilt and Conviction

Guilt is a funny thing. I once thought that it was a good sign, a sign of good conscience. Something to keep me in check. The Spirit has been showing me something completely different.

I have found that guilt is a burden that I am not meant to carry. Jesus has covered my sin and I am free in Him.

Free.

Totally and completely without blame because of what He did on the cross. He took on that burden a long time ago so that I can come to the Father. Guilt is not a good sign, it is not the tool I once thought it to be. Guilt holds me back, brings about doubt where there should be none.

Conviction is something I once viewed as a negative. I never wanted to be convicted of anything. I didn’t want people to call me out on things I maybe doing or not doing. Don’t look to close! I would hate for those around me to see the deeply flawed human that I am.

Conviction is love.

Conviction is way for God to keep me on the path He has set out for me. He works through others to remind me to refocus, to catch me when I begin to wander and to bring me deeper when I am wading in the shallow end of life once again.

Peace, I have found such a sense of peace since I have had my perspective changed in regards to guilt and conviction. I now stand stronger in God’s love and light. I now take conviction and rise up to the challenges God sets forth. I look at guilt as a bond to be broken and to be left behind. Do I feel remorse and sadness in times of conviction, absolutely. The difference is that I don’t wallow in it, I don’t let it change the way I look at life. I don’t let it knock me off my path. I don’t allow it to deter me from doing God’s work.

It has taken me a long time to get to this place and guilt creeps in all the time. I constantly have to give it to God. I have chosen to repent, release and take action when convicted. Sounds so simple doesn’t it? Just let it go and let God do the work He desires to do in you. It is not easy. It is really hard to go against my nature. It’s harder to continue to do so! Funny that I find it is easier to wallow in guilt and self-pity yet I am choosing not to. The reason is simple, I have never felt a peace in me like I do today.

The more I choose to flip my perceptions and rest in God, the less anxiety I feel from day-to-day. The more I interact with others and the more I expose myself to them and God, the happier I am.

I am struggling to find the words to describe the changes that have taken place in my heart. The very core of my being has been and continues to be shaped and molded in ways I never thought possible.

The more I let go, the more I gain. When I let God fill me up and pour out of me, I am whole. I no longer look for stress and anxiety to be markers for growth in this life. I now see that those are signs that I am focused on the wrong things. I am beginning to stop comparing myself to others and thinking they are “closer to God”. I am not allowing myself to hold back because I am not good enough. I know I am not good enough. I am not worthy, I am imperfect, I know that I need God.

I searched for my spiritual path for a long time. I never thought I would ever label myself as a Christian. I would actually challenge people to tell me why they thought Jesus was so great and then I would tell them why being a Christian is wrong and well just stupid.

I am so glad that I walked into that church 6 years ago and found Jesus. Sure, I fought Him for quite some time and yes, I avoided getting too close to the people in my church as well. I still do to a degree, but honestly, I have never felt more peace, closure, healing or love like I do today.

I have had a rocky past and a lot of abandonment and I allowed that to be the driving force in my life for a long time. Now that I have let God in, He is the driving force and I am in such a better place because of it. I am and will never be perfect. I am not a better person by any means. I am just allowing Jesus to work through me and He has been taking my filth and changing me in ways that allow His will is done through me.

If you have not allowed Jesus in as deeply as He wants to be, then I encourage you to focus on that every minute of every day. Push everything else away, give it all up to Him. You won’t lose yourself, you’ll gain more than you could every imagine.

Let the guilt go. Let God in.

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