There are times when all I can see is the pointless struggles of this world. I wonder to myself, why do I even exist? Why did I bring my poor children into this mess we call life? What is the purpose when all is so dark and destructive?
I see so many leading the lives of a drone each day, not a glimmer of light in their lives and they are not even aware that is missing.
Blinders are on and I am one of them.
Layers of this false life get peeled back and I wish for them to be replaced. Fear creeps in, uncertainty, and pain of reality.
I often wish I could curl up and make it all go away, live the false life full of materialism and ignorance. I sometimes long for the dark, the light can show overwhelming pain and destruction.
I struggle and the darkness senses it. It tries to close in tighter, tries to weaken Your hooks on my life, tries to pull me from Your warm embrace. Sometimes that seems easier. I try to press through it but that is impossible when I go it alone.
Thank you Lord for never letting me go, for reminding me of Your love, Your light and Your goodness. Without you I would easily fall into that darkness and become numb again. This world would have it’s way with me and I would be lost. You are my Shepard and you come for me when I am lost, this I can always count on. Even when I myself don’t even know that I am lost.
You truly love me more than I could ever fathom and for this I am thankful. The storms will always be there, the darkness will always be around and waiting to consume, but I have hope and life in Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior. NOTHING can ever change that.