A widow’s heart, before I am one.

 Light burst forth

You may be wondering why I would choose such a title as this. Why would she want a widow’s heart? What is wrong with her? Well, my friends, I will tell you 🙂

What I am feeling at the moment, is that I take my husband for granted.

Yesterday I was listening to part 1 of a 2 part podcast by Focus on the Family, and Gary Thomas really hit home. Gary was referring to a Barbara Walter’s special that aired one year after 9/11. Barbara was interviewing a group of widows and one things said, was that they wished women would stop complaining about their husbands, this really hit home. These women were in a place where they would give anything to walk into a bathroom and have to put the toilette seat down, they would give anything to have to pick up their husband’s dirty clothes from in the middle of the floor, they would give anything at all to have those moments back, to have their husband’s back, to have their loves with them. Wow.

Now, I don’t know about you, but I definitely complain about too many things in my life that are inconsequential. I lose sight of the big picture, I get too comfortable with the wonderful aspect of my relationships. I get annoyed when I walk in the bathroom to find clothes strewn all over after shower time. Instead, I should smile and be thankful that I have a family to make said mess. I want to have a heart that rejoices at the thought that they are mine and at the love we share.

I long for a widow’s heart. A heart that recalls the ways he serves me every day. The coffee he lovingly brings upstairs to me each morning while I am getting myself and the kids ready for the day. The loving looks I catch when he thinks I don’t see him watching me with the kids. The time he gives in maintaining our vehicles, the grocery shopping, the walks with the kids, the morning kiss, the hugs, the smiles, the strong arms to wrap around me when I need to know everything is going to be ok. I long for a hear that rejoices at the wonderful things my husband does for myself, for our children, and for our community.

I don’t want to take this life given to me, for granted. I don’t want to take my husband for granted. I no longer want to feel those pangs of annoyance when I have to clean up after my family.

Today I choose to be thankful that I have a sink full of dishes, they signify the meals shared. Today I choose to smile while picking up the toys thrown all around the house, they signify the laughter and play that has taken place in our home. Today I choose to be joyous in the dirty floors that need to be swept, they signify the feet that come in and out of our home. Those feet belong to my hardworking husband, my playful children, our friends, and our family.

Today I choose to look at my husband with eyes of admiration and to let the pettiness go. Today I beg the Holy Spirit to rekindle this fire of joy and fulfillment in my relationships. I pray that He will change this hardened heart of mine, that He heals the places that are broken, that He sheds light into the darkness that chokes my joy.

I pray these things for myself and I pray these things for each of you.

I pray that we wake each morning refreshed and rejoicing. That we all look at our lives from a different perspective, that we shift out of complacency and into a place of humility and appreciation. I pray that we find these things now, this very moment, and that we do not wait until we have lost what is most precious to us. In Jesus’ name I pray these things and expect great things.

This is the day the LORD has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it. – Psalm 118:24

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