He created this life anyway

Psalm 139: 1-18

For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.

You have searched me, Lord,
    and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
    you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
    you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
    you, Lord, know it completely.
You hem me in behind and before,
    and you lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit?
    Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
    if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
    if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
    your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
    and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
    the night will shine like the day,
    for darkness is as light to you.

13 For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts,[a] God!
    How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
    they would outnumber the grains of sand—
    when I awake, I am still with you.

I once mentioned that I have been going through a time in my life where God has shown me that I have deeply buried guilt and shame that I never dealt with. I have been on this journey for several weeks and have been amazed at the amount of space these past traumas have been taking up in my life. I am still just scrapping the surface of this pain and am already feeling God’s love and peace seeping in even more as He delivers me from this pain.

As I was reading this Psalm, I was overcome with such a peace and calm in the knowledge that my God knew all the terrible things I would do in this life long before I was conceived. He knew that I would leave trail of tears and wretchedness behind me. He knew how long it would take before I would turn to Him and recognize Him for the loving, healing, all-knowing God that He is. He knew and choose to let me walk this earth anyway. He knew and allowed this life to be. He knew and was by my side through it all, even when I had my back turned to Him.

How amazing is that? How crazy is it to think that I can be so hard on myself for past and present struggles and to know that God knew then, He knows now, and He knows more than I could ever even imagine.

I am a wretched person, I am unworthy and unqualified. God chose me anyway. I am humbled by this and so full of joy as I ponder this. He chose each and every one of us before we were conceived. There are no mistakes, we are all purposely placed in this world, in this very place and time. He has a plan for our lives. He knows that despite all the wrongs we do in this world, He can still use us to glorify His Kingdom if we will only allow Him to do so.

Today I urge you all to take a moment to pause and really ponder this fact. God knows you, He knew you before you were created. He knew all the terrible things you would do and chose you anyway. Turn from your sins and allow Jesus’ work to penetrate your life. LET HIM IN. Let the past go. Turn, repent, pray for deliverance and surrender your soul to the One who created you. Let Him fill you with His peace, accept the grace He offers us all.

I love you all and pray that you all see just how much God loves you at this very moment, despite all the things we allow to get in the way.

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