Who am I?

I have been in a strange place lately. A place of wondering who I am. I know for sure where I have been and I know where I want to go, but I think I can struggle with knowing who I am at this very moment. Is it the spiritual transformation that is taking place? Is it the change that is taking place in my professional life? Perhaps it is just an approaching my mid-thirties thing? Is it that Jesus is removing the negative filters I see myself through, is He showing me my true self?

Do you ever find yourself in one of those places? Who am I? What do I stand for? Where do I fit in? Do I make an impact? Am I succumbing to the pressures of my culture? These are some of the questions swimming around in my mind these days.

There is one fact that I can always stand on and that is the fact that I am a beloved child of God. I don’t always understand why He loves me so much, but I know that it is true. He tells me and shows me in so many ways. Often times we can forget that we are made in our Great Creator’s image and that He purposefully made each and every one of us. We can forget that we are stewards of the world we are living in and can take it all for granted. We lose sight of our core purpose along the way.

For some time now, I have been asking our Lord to allow me to see myself the way He does. I want to see the beauty He sees. I want to see the impact I have on those around me. I want to know His desires for me. I want to walk the path He has laid out for me. I want to see His lost children turning to Him. Perhaps He is answering that prayer and that is what I am feeling.

I pray that He is doing a work in you too. I pray that He break the chains that hold us back, that He allows us to see ourselves as He does. I pray that you start each day with a desire to bring Him glory in all you do. I pray that you know that He is ever present and loves you unconditionally. I pray these things in the precious name of Jesus. Amen.

Ecclesiastes 11:5

Just as you cannot understand the path of the wind or the mystery of a tiny baby growing in its mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the activity of God, who does all things. – Ecclesiastes 11:5

Words to remember! God is all knowing and works in ways we cannot comprehend. As I grow in Jesus, I find it so calming to know that He is at work in all things, rather I can see it or not.

Rest in the knowledge that you are God’s child and that He loves you more than you know. Rest in the knowledge that you cannot and will not understand so many things in this world and that is ok.

Be in peace today.

A prayer for my sisters

I just wanted to take a moment to tell you all just how amazing you all are.

I know that I can get wrapped up in feeling inadequate and beat up, a lot.

You are beautiful, you are purposely made, this world is only temporary and we serve a higher calling. It’s hard, it’s messy and it can feel like we’re spinning in place at times. The ideas of giving up, running away or hiding in a dark corner can all seem quite attractive.

You are not alone. God loves you, I love you. I  thankful for each of you and couldn’t imagine walking this walk without you.

Be kind to yourself, be patient, rest in Jesus when you feel like you can’t possibly go on. Sometimes we need to just be still and let the busy world fade. We are powerful in Christ.

Our roles are really hard at times, we coordinate, cook, clean, love, carry, teach, give and give and give. Allow the Holy Spirit to give to you.

We are exactly where we are meant to be. There are no accidents in God’s plan.

I pray you all have a day blessed beyond belief. I pray that we all trust and rest in our Lord in all things. I pray that we bring our stress, doubts and pains before Him and let Him work in those places. I pray that you are all lifted up by these words. I pray for healing, peace and strength for you all. In the precious name of Jesus I pray these things. Amen.

Proverbs Study Day 30

The last Proverb! It has been a wonderful journey for me and I hope it has been for you as well. I love how God’s Word speaks directly to me, right where I am. Let’s see what today brings.
 


Proverbs 30

The sayings of Agur son of Jakeh contain this message. I am weary, O God; I am weary and worn out, O God. I am too stupid to be human, and I lack common sense. I have not mastered human wisdom, nor do I know the Holy One. Who but God goes up to heaven and comes back down? Who holds the wind in his fists? Who wraps up the oceans in his cloak? Who has created the whole wide world? What is his name—and his son’s name? Tell me if you know! Every word of God proves true. He is a shield to all who come to him for protection. Do not add to his words, or he may rebuke you and expose you as a liar. O God, I beg two favors from you; let me have them before I die. First, help me never to tell a lie. Second, give me neither poverty nor riches! Give me just enough to satisfy my needs. For if I grow rich, I may deny you and say, “Who is the lord ?” And if I am too poor, I may steal and thus insult God’s holy name. Never slander a worker to the employer, or the person will curse you, and you will pay for it. Some people curse their father and do not thank their mother. They are pure in their own eyes, but they are filthy and unwashed. They look proudly around, casting disdainful glances. They have teeth like swords and fangs like knives. They devour the poor from the earth and the needy from among humanity. The leech has two suckers that cry out, “More, more!” There are three things that are never satisfied— no, four that never say, “Enough!”: the grave, the barren womb, the thirsty desert, the blazing fire. The eye that mocks a father and despises a mother’s instructions will be plucked out by ravens of the valley and eaten by vultures. There are three things that amaze me— no, four things that I don’t understand: how an eagle glides through the sky, how a snake slithers on a rock, how a ship navigates the ocean, how a man loves a woman. An adulterous woman consumes a man, then wipes her mouth and says, “What’s wrong with that?” There are three things that make the earth tremble— no, four it cannot endure: a slave who becomes a king, an overbearing fool who prospers, a bitter woman who finally gets a husband, a servant girl who supplants her mistress. There are four things on earth that are small but unusually wise: Ants—they aren’t strong, but they store up food all summer. Hyraxes —they aren’t powerful, but they make their homes among the rocks. Locusts—they have no king, but they march in formation. Lizards—they are easy to catch, but they are found even in kings’ palaces. There are three things that walk with stately stride— no, four that strut about: the lion, king of animals, who won’t turn aside for anything, the strutting rooster, the male goat, a king as he leads his army. If you have been a fool by being proud or plotting evil, cover your mouth in shame. As the beating of cream yields butter and striking the nose causes bleeding, so stirring up anger causes quarrels.


 

 
What did I learn from this chapter today:

Today I am reminded that God knows exactly how I feel. He knows me heart better than I do. I think I can forget this at times. I often bring before Him my shortcomings, my lacking, my failures and He reminds me that He is with me in those places too. Without Him I would be lost.

I look around me and I see God everywhere and in everything. Everything and everyone is God breathed. He is our Creator and I can go to Him with all things. He understands so much more about me than I ever will. Who better to go to in all things?

I know I am full of imperfection and that’s ok. Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ is with me always and is transforming me dramatically. I am amazed, joyous and humbled by the works He has done in me, in my marriage, in our life as a whole. The more we give, the more He provides. As I step out in faith, uncertain of where I will land, Jesus meets me right there and raises me to places more beautiful than I could ever imagine. Truly amazing.

You can hear about the wonderful works God does or you can experience them yourself. Quiet your minds, open your hearts and sit before the living God. Ask Him to show you where He wants to work in you. Ask Him to show you how to grow in your faith. He is a kind, loving and gentle God, He will walk you through it.

My prayer for today:

Lord, thank You for walking me through healing and growth in a kind and gentle manner. You are so good to me. Today I pray that Your children turn to You in all things. I pray that You soften their hearts and open their eyes. I pray that they don’t get in the way of Your works, as only we can. I pray that they take those steps that can feel like leaps, in faith, knowing that You are right there. We know that You are a most powerful and merciful God and we choose You. You are amazing and You love with a love that we can only begin to understand. Do a mighty work in our lives Lord, we choose to pause and give You the space You need. We will do our part and follow You as You guide us to better things. In the precious name of Jesus I pray these things. Amen.

Miracles

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” – Joshua 1:9

A man once said that all the miracles that have taken place in the Bible have one thing in common, they were in response to a problem. We all have problems, being a Christian does not make us exempt. Quite the contrary, it can open us up to even more. Being a Christian also allows us to experience miracles in response to those problems that arise.

“Trust in the LORD with all you heart; and lean not on your own understanding.” – Proverbs 3:5-6

Walking through this life on earth can be so tiring at times. The storms around us can become fierce and I know that I can find myself seeking to find shelter and struggle to keep my eyes on the only true shelter. My flesh screams out for me to turn to things of this world when my Soul cries out to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

“Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” – Hebrews 13:5

I do trust! Even when I am feeling tattered from the pressures of this life, I trust that the Lord is in control and will not forsake me. I know that every single person that breathes, has struggles. In these moments, the Spirit is with us. He meets us in these places and this is where those miracles happen. If I am not experiencing a problem that seems impossible to overcome, then how will I experience the Lord moving? I will not.

“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” – Isaiah 41:10

When I choose to be content with what the Lord provides, I am acknowledging that He is in control. I struggle with control quite a bit and don’t even realize it most of the time. I am not in control. Alone I am powerless and at the mercy of circumstances. In Jesus I am protected and cared for beyond measure. I am a child of God and need not worry or want for anything. In Him I find my strength.

“So that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love,” – Ephesians 3:17

I am human, I walk this land in this body made of flesh and experiences stressors all the same. Unexpected trials and speed bumps come up out of nowhere it seems. My emotions respond and I grow tired. I am grateful that I have a strong foundation and can stand or lie down on this foundation in full knowledge that miracles occur every day. I am rooted in the knowledge that God is moving in every moment of this life given. As trials come to be, I have a choice, I can allow my faith to grow in this knowledge or I can succumb to the pressures of this world. I choose to lean on my Lord in faith and to wait and watch the work He performs. In my struggles, I need to leave the space God needs to perform the beautiful miracles I long for. If I don’t step back, I am not allowing Him to step in.

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?[g] 28 And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, 29 yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31 Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. 34 “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.“- Matthew 6:25-34

Thank you Jesus for walking with my in all my days and for taking care of me in all things.

Who is she?

Who is this girl?

So unsure, uncertain, so scared.

Who is this girl that sheds such deep tears for the pain from long ago?

Who is this girl that plays in the rain effortlessly?

I thought her to be dead long ago.

Here you are, sweet girl, right where you’re meant to be in me.

She is peaking out if the deep dark box had been kept prisoner in all these years. Climbing out of the dark recesses of my soul.

“Hide away and take your shame with you.” She was told so long ago.

Good bye little girl, so full of hope, joy, and freedom. Sweet little girl buried in sins long forgotten. Covered in regret and denial.

Out of the ashes she rises, by God’s grace alone I can once again see the glimmer in her eyes.

Smiling

Dancing

Regrets surrendered

Touched by the Holy Spirit,  she is transformed. Life breathed into her once again.

Still distant, storms still raging,  but she’s there once more. Darkness slipping and Light breaking through.

So hard.

So beautiful.

So kind.

Transformation is His will and I follow in obedience. I surrender all to You, my King.

 

Deepening

There have been many times I started writing a post on here and then closed it, unsure what to write. So I wrote nothing. This is a problem I find in many aspects if my life. I am unsure of what to say or do, so I do nothing at all, afraid of doing the wrong thing. I allow uncertainty and fear to grab hold of me and keep me in a place of inaction. This is not a place I should be in and most definitely not a place where Jesus wants me in. God tells us to step out in the Spirit in faith and love. He will do the rest. Who am I to hold back whatever it is God may be trying to do through me? It’s not my place to deem what is the right or wrong thing to do or say. It is my job to do whatever the Spirit lays on this heart of mine.

Over the past few months I have been trying to deal with the fact that I do not step out of my comfort zone enough. I don’t reach out to dig deeper, I find that I am wading in those shallow place once again. The superficial “hey, how are you” and moving along quickly happens all too often. Yes, I do have a toddler I have to chase after, yes I have children that need to be fed, but they cannot be an excuse.

I want my normal approach to life and the people surrounding me to be deeper. I have been asking God to help deepen my approach to life as He commands me to. He has been doing a work in my life that I have a hard time describing. He has been deepening my understanding and approach to people but I still drift back into the shallow business. I have to remember that I am here on this earth to do God’s work. Nothing else matters. I have heard over and over again that we do not take anything with us when we leave this earth. I face the fact that our time here is short everyday in my work. I know that I will be forgotten shortly after I die. Really, this life I am leading is a speck of dust in the grand scheme of things. Here today and gone tomorrow.

So what am I doing with the time I am given? Am I consistently reaching out to God and asking for Him to work through me every second I breathe? Do I take the time to stand in awe of all that God has created around me? Do I thank Jesus for the awesome sacrifice He made for us? Do I love each and every person I come in contact with because Jesus does and wants me to as well?

Sometimes.

Not enough.

I do these things much more than I once did and I know that I will never do them enough. I am human. I am flawed. I will never meet any mark I set. Jesus is perfection and I can only continue to accomplish His work by allowing Him in. Deeper and deeper. Like a diamond I can only reflect His love and light in this world full of hate and darkness.